Expecting mom refuses to name her daughter 'Emmy Grace' after her husband's girlfriend of 6 years, who passed when he was 21: 'He told me he wanted to use the names and he was putting his foot down'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 1, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

There's nothing inherently wrong with naming your kid after a late friend or family member. There are tons of kids who are named after family members they never knew because they passed away young, and all of those kids don't have psychological issues stemming from the pressure of living up to their supposed greatness.

There is one category of people that we collectively can agree is weird to name your kid after: deceased romantic partners. If your wife passed in childbirth and you named your daughter after her, that's one thing. If you're a widower who married someone years after your wife passed and still wanted to name your baby after her, there's a nearly 100% chance your wife would not be comfortable with that. It's hard enough living in the shadow of an angel, but having your baby bear that burden is unconscionable. An adult can choose to get with a widower or widow and all that comes with that: a baby cannot choose to be named after the person who came before their mom or dad. 

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  • The expecting mother in this story was utterly blindsided by her husband's request to name their baby after his first love. She passed away when he was 21, and he was steadfast in his conviction that his first child should at least have a tribute to her as their middle name.

  • Attractive pregnant woman suffering from swollen feet and resting alone in the living room
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I wrong for not wanting to use any part of my husband's late girlfriend's name for our child?

    My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for 3 and now we're expecting our first child. My husband lost his first girlfriend, Emmy, when they were both 21. They'd been together for almost six years and he truly loved her. He was honest with me
    via u/Cassievvvah
  • A woman in a green top smiling at the camera
    via Natalia Blauth (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • about her and about the fact she would always be someone he missed and he had maintained a relationship with Emmy's parents. That was always okay with me. He seemed in a good place to be in another relationship and he dated before me so it was reassuring.
    via u/Cassievvvah
  • About 6 weeks ago my husband mentioned that if we had a girl he would love to use Emmy, or Grace which was Emmy's middle name, somewhere in the name. He told me it was something he always thought of doing. And he told me
    via u/Cassievvvah
  • for a boy he had ways of using masculine forms of Emmy or Grace somewhere in a boy's name. I told him I wasn't really on board with that and he never mentioned this to me before. He asked me why he would, and then said he didn't know why I'd be difficult about it.
    via u/Cassievvvah
  • It was a few days later he told me he wanted to use the names and he was putting his foot down that he should be allowed to. He said we can add it as a second middle name if I won't consider a first name or first middle name but that it should absolutely be in there somewhere. He said only someone jealous would be hesitant to use it like I am. I asked
    via u/Cassievvvah
  • him how he'd feel about it if he were in my shoes, if I wanted to name our child after someone else that I would always love but couldn't be with. He told me he would s k it up for my sake and he would accept the de d aren't competition. Then he said he would actually be the one suggesting it and there would be no weirdness for him.
    via u/Cassievvvah
  • It was a couple of weeks later before he brought it up again and this time he said he would do this even if I loved my late partner more and was only with him because I couldn't be with my late partner (if I had one, I don't). That
    via u/Cassievvvah
  • Serious unhappy man holding his chin and looking down while thinking what to do about his problem
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • became something more emotional for me because it felt like a confession when he brought it up because it was randomly said to me. But maybe it also felt like he might be speaking for his feelings and how he might think I'd feel.
    via u/Cassievvvah
  • I never had an issue with him loving Emmy or remembering her, feeling sad about her death or anything. I just never thought I'd be asked to name my child after her. To me it feels weird and wrong and this whole thing has made me insecure in our marriage. I told him as much and he suggested I was jealous and shouldn't be so threatened by someone who d_d.
    via u/Cassievvvah
  • He told his sister what was happening a week ago and now she's asking me to explain my feelings and asking if I'm a woman or a little girl because only a little girl would be so jealous of a de d partner. I asked
    via u/Cassievvvah
  • my husband why he told his sister because now she was getting involved. He said he had to vent to someone and he felt I was being unreasonable and unkind about this. AITA?
    via u/Cassievvvah
  • Odd Knowledge_2146 As always, naming a baby is a two yes situation and one parent is allowed to vito any name. I also don't like naming babies after de d people, they need their own identity and not to be compared to the "angel" who had the name previously.
    via u/Odd_Knowledge_2146
  • In your specific case I hate the thought of your baby being named after his first love, that he lost, that he would be with if she hadn't d d.... That seems like such an awful thing to do to you AND to your daughter. It makes you the other woman to your own baby. I also feel that he was not up front with you about being ready for a relationship or a child whilst this ghost has such a strong presence in his heart.
    via u/Odd_Knowledge_2146
  • AnxiouCuke This!!! Ask him if he realizes the pressure that HIS CHILD will have with any of those names. This child will NEVER be Emmy, but they will feel the need to fill whatever hole is still there for your husband. What happens if you have more kids? Do they all get an Emmy name? NTA. Also, what are the male versions of Emmy and Grace? Himmy? Graco?
    via u/AnxiouCuke
  • Elelith Ugh just imagine him starting to bring this child to Emmys parents.. And all of them happily rubbing their hands together because they now have an "Emmy" to dote on. This child will not be allowed to be their own person.
    via u/Elelith
  • kalixanthippe I immediately thought it would be Emerson or Grayson, since OP's husband seems to think of the child as his de d ex's kid through a surrogate.
    via u/kalixanthippe
  • CallingThatBS Your husband needs counseling!!! He never mentioned this because he knew you would not be okay with it!!
    via u/CallingThatBS
  • Cassievvvah OP I really can't see him agreeing to it. I suggested counseling together and he was opposed and said we could talk it out between us.
    via u/Cassievvvah
  • Nadja-19 He said no because he knows he's wrong and that counseling would likely demonstrate this.
    via u/Nadja-19
  • Cute-Profession9983 Ask his sister if her brother is a man or a little boy who needs his sister to pick on pregnant ladies for him. Don't give an inch. I guarantee if you allow this, she will be treated differently than any other children you have with him. It's pretty creepy to make the person carrying your child name your baby after your long lost lover.
    via u/Cute-Profession9983
  • CeelaChathArrna Good thing some she's the one giving birth, she can make it clear to hospital staff that she is the only one permitted to fill out the birth certificate. I don't trust this guy or his sister to not try to do it anyway. Gross.
    via u/CeelaChathArrna
  • Comfortable-Focus 123 NTA - Truly sorry you did not know this BEFORE you got pregnant. Big red flag. The fact that he got his sister involved is another red flag. I hate to say this, but you may want to reconsider this marriage.
    via u/Comfortable-Focus123
  • Cassievvvah OP What stinks extra is we had talked baby naming before we even married and we appeared to be on the same page. I wish he'd told me this before now because I feel a little lost on what to do or how to even start processing some of what he's saying.
    via u/Cassievvvah
  • Flyingwithbirbs Idk the fact that he kept this from you at that point says to me that he KNEW it would be a deal breaker and he's now trying to play on the fact that you've been married and you're pregnant to pressure you into this. Because he knew if he mentioned it too early you'd be able to walk away
    via u/Flyingwithbirbs
  • Cassievvvah OP It says the same to me. I'm trying not to make excuses for him and when I just think about the past conversations it feels like he said what he knew would sound good. Because wanting to use these names so strongly feels like it would be long term thinking and not short term.
    via u/Cassievvvah
  • Cookies_2 Naming a child is a discussion and not a demand. He doesn't seem to realize that.
    via u/Cookies_2

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